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Mar 06, 2019 19:49:10

Trams — pt. 2

by @zyumbik | 393 words | 🐣 | 209💌

G̷͕̳͝l̴̨̟̏̃̆̚e̷̳͇͖͑̔b̴̞̱̦͕̼͇̔̽̀̽͒ ̸̈́̆͒̀̉ ̵̨̪̈́̒Sa̴͇͊b̵̨̅͆i̶̖͑̄r̶̩̘̊̒̕z̷̟̀͑y̴͚͉̎͘à̸̃͜ͅn̶̤̲̜͊͐ỏ̵͈͔̑v̴

Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 209💌
Total words: 64349 (257 pages 📄)

A year ago I experienced something people call depression — because of trams. I would rather call it the loss of myself than a depression. I stopped doing yoga and any other exercises, and soon I had to stop writing my dream diary too. But how can public transport make you lose yourself? 

When I went to university, I was a very motivated person: I was learning a lot, going through courses, reading books in and making interesting projects. I wanted the most of my time and aimed to get high-quality experience from my sleeping. So I started practicing polyphasic sleeping: it wasn't successful but it was interesting. Also I wanted to experience lucid dreams, so I started writing a dream diary — remembering and writing down every dream I had. Since I sit a lot during the day, I started doing exercises, and soon discovered the power of yoga. 

Every day I woke up, did yoga and wrote my dreams, and then went to university. this place wasn't making me happy, because I was passionate about what I'm doing, but there everyone seemed to be unmotivated and just going with the flow. I wasn't happy about going there, but after half of a year of going there I started absolutely hating this place. 

So, after spending a half of a day at university I went home. And both ways — to and from the university, — were taking about 30-40 minutes. I was taking a tram there. Since I felt so bad about the university and spent at least an hour of my time in a tram every day, I started seeing trams in my dreams and they were associated with university. I began to absolutely hate my dreams, but since I was writing the dream diary I got a habit of remembering every single moment in a dream. 

Time went by, and the trams in dreams were becoming absolutely unbearable. I decided to stop writing the diary due to this, but the habit stayed with me for quite some time. Every day I woke up just like I just lived another day in my dreams, and now I have to live it again. And all of that was pure negativity, thanks to my negative attitude to the university.

Now I almost don't remember dreams, and I still don't try to remember them.

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