I'm not supposed to write any negativity because it makes me feel like I'm still in a rut and thus, not moving forward. But I guess, one cannot move forward if he/she does not know where to actually start. And that could mean glancing at the past and acknowledging the present. At this moment, I just want to acknowledge my realities, in respect to myself.
I feel tired from everything -- from spearheading things, sometimes even, from living. My mood was easily shifted now that I acknowledge that it's also lonely living alone. No, I'm not looking for a companion or what but, maybe I just wanted to go away for quite a while and go to a place where nobody knows me. The attention I feel I'm getting in the workplace is draining me. I'm not used to being noticed and being in the frontline, but I have to this time. And once in a while, it makes me feel so tired.
I saw my lack of motivation because of my lack of meditation. Even in meditating, I still think about the same thing over and over. Is this where I am really supposed to be at? Or perhaps, I just needed a real vacation this time, and not just a glimpse of it.