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May 02, 2019 09:29:27

the question: Full-time or not

by @swizecteller | 382 words | 2🔥 | 99💌

Swizec Teller

Current day streak: 2🔥
Total posts: 99💌
Total words: 27682 (110 pages 📄)

The question I've been struggling with a lot lately is do I go full-time on side hustle or do I get a job job. Maybe go back full-time on the dayjob startup.

It's a hard question mired on all sides by fear.

Fear is never a great way to make decisions.

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And it's not just your garden variety fear of failure or success. Yes fear of success is a thing. What if this works and I become a completely different person?

Anything that threatens your identity is scary. "Sidehustler making it work in the big city" in my case.

I have a particular fear on top of that 👇

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I'm afraid I'll end up like my father.

He never wanted to have a job. He was too good for just a job. He wanted to run his own business and be his own boss.

Great ideals in theory ...

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... but my dad is the other side of survivorship bias. None of his business ever worked. Ever.

He'd run a business for a few months, burn all our savings, and get a minimum wage job to recover. Then he'd do it again. And again. And again.

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He always dreamed of making it big. Each business was more ambitious than the last. Each started with even less runway than before.

Now ... now we don't even know what he's up to. Maybe homeless? Maybe not? Nobody knows.

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His extended family abandoned him. Or rather he abandoned them, too afraid to face the people whose money he borrowed.

My sister and I never talk to him. He sends an email once a year with the subject "Happy birthday" and no body. We know he's alive at least.

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The reason we assume he's likely homeless is because in Slovenia you need to have a registered full-time address to do much of anything. He doesn't have one of those.

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We know he doesn't have an address because if he did he'd get destroyed by debt collectors. Owes 2 year's salary worth of child support just to me mum. Who knows what else he owes.

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And yeah ... that's what I'm afraid of.

If I say no to well-paying jobs so I can hustle full-time, am I just like my dad?

If I stop hustling and become a careerist, am I still me?

Originally published at twitter.com

  • 1

    @swizecteller This is a very thoughtful, well-written post about your dilemma. It's obviously very personal to you, and I appreciate you being open and sharing your family history. Let's start with the big-ticket item: fear. You are right decisions made out of fear are usually never the right ones. I completely understand your fear about ending up like your father. I have my own thoughts about how my father conducted his life both professionally and personally, and there many mistakes he made in which I don't want to follow his footsteps. That said I want to address your concern about becoming a completely different person. Would that be a bad thing? I have grappled with the concept of self myself. For example, for many years I accepted the idea of being a fat guy. I thought well this is just the way I am. I have tried going on diets, working out to lose weight and always gained it back. I was stuck in that self, but it was not the right self for me. I understand the fear of change and becoming a different person, but I have a bigger fear than say in 2 or 5 or 10 years I am the same person. That's what drives me to work on myself, continue learning, and continue improving a little bit every day. I wish I had a more specific answer for you about your career choice. I think it boils down to what you really want. What kind of life do you want to live? Forget about obstacles and rules and what everyone else thinks. If you could do anything you want in the world and get paid to do it, what would that be?

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | May 02, 2019 09:45:05
    • 1

      @brandonwilson these are all great questions that I don't quite have great answers to. And that's part of the problem for me.

      When you can be anything you want to be, do whatever you want, what do you do? The freedom is amazing and yet also paralyzing.

      The whole question probably boils down to one fact: I am stuck in a local optimum and my gut is trying to tell me that. It's time to shaek things up so I can move to a better optimum and my gut is telling me that too.

      But deciding what to do and how, that's harder.

      Swizec Teller avatar Swizec Teller | May 03, 2019 14:11:57
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