The question I've been struggling with a lot lately is do I go full-time on side hustle or do I get a job job. Maybe go back full-time on the dayjob startup.
It's a hard question mired on all sides by fear.
Fear is never a great way to make decisions.
And it's not just your garden variety fear of failure or success. Yes fear of success is a thing. What if this works and I become a completely different person?
Anything that threatens your identity is scary. "Sidehustler making it work in the big city" in my case.
I have a particular fear on top of that 👇
I'm afraid I'll end up like my father.
He never wanted to have a job. He was too good for just a job. He wanted to run his own business and be his own boss.
Great ideals in theory ...
... but my dad is the other side of survivorship bias. None of his business ever worked. Ever.
He'd run a business for a few months, burn all our savings, and get a minimum wage job to recover. Then he'd do it again. And again. And again.
He always dreamed of making it big. Each business was more ambitious than the last. Each started with even less runway than before.
Now ... now we don't even know what he's up to. Maybe homeless? Maybe not? Nobody knows.
His extended family abandoned him. Or rather he abandoned them, too afraid to face the people whose money he borrowed.
My sister and I never talk to him. He sends an email once a year with the subject "Happy birthday" and no body. We know he's alive at least.
The reason we assume he's likely homeless is because in Slovenia you need to have a registered full-time address to do much of anything. He doesn't have one of those.
We know he doesn't have an address because if he did he'd get destroyed by debt collectors. Owes 2 year's salary worth of child support just to me mum. Who knows what else he owes.
And yeah ... that's what I'm afraid of.
If I say no to well-paying jobs so I can hustle full-time, am I just like my dad?
If I stop hustling and become a careerist, am I still me?