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May 25, 2019 09:20:31

The more I can't pull myself away from a task, the more I probably should

by @rosieodsey PATRON | 316 words | 🐣 | 221💌

Rosie Odsey

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Especially at night.

I'm a morning person. This means that I do not have my full faculties in the evening.

And yet, sometimes, I'll find myself on my laptop doing something or rather that feels really important and also feels like I can't put it down.

What will end up happening is I finish it enough, do my good night ritual, then go into a hurricane of getting ready for bed.

This is because our bedtime is 10pm and if I'm any later, I'm keeping David up.

By the time the lights are off, my brain is still in doing mode.

Except that there's nothing. to. do.

So it will look for things to think about and solve.

I've made a game of trying to isolate the feeling.

Because it's just a feeling of urgency, maybe worry, maybe anxiety.

In any case, there's nothing to be done but sleep so whatever process is running, I like to let it run.

(There's this great meditation I've been doing daily as part of Leo Babauta's Fearless training. It's around the opportunity of struggle. That's where the next few actions come from.)

First, I'll observe it. I'm no longer the person who is doing, I'm the person who is watching the brain in doing mode.

I'll get curious about it.

I'll relax around it and allow it to be. I'm not trying to stop it, I'm just letting it run its course.

I'll be grateful for it. This is the part of me that gets so much stuff done.

And I'll savour it.

Sometimes, I'll get caught in it. The moment I notice, I go back to my observation tower.

Last night, I did this for 30 minutes (I wasn't timing myself; I have a sleep tracker) before I fell asleep.

Maybe I'll have to do it again tonight.

Or maybe, I'll just keep clear of the laptop after dinner 😅

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