Feb 18, 2019 21:42:23

The IKEA apocalypse: A cheap 200-word dime novel short story

by @jasonleow | 200 words | 110πŸ”₯ | 110πŸ’Œ

Jason Leow

Current day streak: 110πŸ”₯
Total posts: 110πŸ’Œ
Total words: 47367 (189 pages πŸ“„)

It was just a normal Sunday. I went to IKEA because I craved meatballs. But just as I stepped into IKEA, a frail-looking elderly lady tugged on my hand. She looked strange, dressed in black from head to toe. I thought I smelled ash on her. 


"Will you help me get the things I need today? This place is so confusing, and I'm alone today...... Let me buy you meatballs after we're done?" 


What can I say to a frail old lady? At least I get free meatballs. So off I went with her, list in hand, her arm in the other. Slowly, we ticked things off her list. It was a hefty list! All 666 items.  


Finally, after a couple of hours, we tossed the last item into the trolley. 


"Are you sure we got all of them? Let's check each item in the trolley with the list, one by one?"


Sigh. "Sure......"


"Billy. Solglimtar. Gratulera. Ivar. Lisabo. MΓΆrbylΓ₯nga......." 


When I was done reciting the 666th item, the skies grew dark.  


"Thank you for summoning the Great Old One," she bellowed. "Only you could have done it. Muah hahaha hahahha!"


[Credits]

  • 1

    @philh

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Feb 28, 2019 23:03:58
    • 1

      @jasonleow @lucjah this hilarious, thanks! πŸ˜‚
      Although some might think that you don't need to summon the Great Old One when you're at IKEA, since you're already in front of Him 😈
      http://nerdgasm-unlimited.blogspot.com/2008/08/ikea-is-evil.html

      PhilH avatar PhilH | Mar 01, 2019 12:04:59
    • 1

      @philh and... you had to make me all vexed about that!

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 01, 2019 12:35:32
    • 1

      @philh indeed. the furniture are all hell spawn, all temptation made physical.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Mar 02, 2019 00:17:16
  • 1

    @jasonleow Muah hahaha hahahha`!!! Love it!
    Cool meme indeed :-)))
    Just after leaving you i popped onto
    https://200wordsaday.com/words/my-draft-24355c2f157ce4f18
    and... I'm scared to read it aloud... What if this is The 300 Words to Summon the Even Greater and Even Older One???

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Feb 27, 2019 22:42:17
    • 1

      @lucjah wow that post is creepy but good! I'm scared to finish reading too haha. where do you dig up all these gems by oneposters!?

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Feb 28, 2019 15:39:02
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      @jasonleow I go deeeeeep dooooown to the very bottom of... the Fellowship... there they are, lying around like pearls (which are closed in the shells though while these ones are not :-)

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Feb 28, 2019 22:38:53
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      @lucjah trawling the deep blue sea of 200wad for treasures...nice! πŸ‘

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Mar 02, 2019 00:16:11
    • 1

      @jasonleow trawling... cool! Yet I have in mind rather an image of this small thin deep diving pearl gatherers :-)))

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 01, 2019 17:24:37
    • 1

      @lucjah ooooh your metaphor is much better. Like a free diver who can hold your breath for many long minutes while searching for these pearls. Holding breath from reading great posts.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Mar 02, 2019 00:32:14
  • 1

    That's my slump cheat for the day! Just write the bare minimum (exactly 200), write bad cheap fiction ala dime novel style. Dime novels were scrappy cheap 5-10cents paperbounds from the late 19th Century, full of sensationalized but superficial fiction. I'm glad to have contributed to that history today hahaha

    Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Feb 18, 2019 21:55:27
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