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Jun 21, 2019 03:53:28

The fall

by @vickenstein | 205 words | 🐣 | 218💌

Victoria Maung

Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 218💌
Total words: 55041 (220 pages 📄)

I write expositions a lot here on 200WAD about personal values, dignity, hypocrisy, society, and goodness. I pontificate as if I'm infallible. Lambaste, expound, admonish, reproach, remonstrate on diatribes and tirades. But lurking underneath is a deep sense of insecurity. I don't trust myself and always harbor doubts about my decisions while maintaining a composed exterior.

Something happened to me today that really really shook me to my core, making me doubt everything I ever stood for, revealing the consequences of my insecurity. I guess I never knew that I've been riding a high wave for a long time during my life. This has been a long and stressful ordeal to the extent that it has affected me physically. My stomach has felt sunken since it happened, and my appetite, lost. 

I never experienced this simultaneity of shame, regret, and anger. Having never suffered significant losses in my life, this moment today made me realize that I really could not have been empathizing with those in unfortunate circumstances that I read about during the news everyday, if this is a fragment of how they feel. I'm a hypocrite because I'm entering a phase in my life that represents the previous apathy "until it happens to you."

  • 1

    @vickenstein - I think it's so cool that we have a little place carved out where we can write like this and get some encouragement. The piece you write is compelling.

    Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jun 22, 2019 12:40:23
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    @vickenstein Wow this event sounds like a major revelation for you. I hope that it provides you with a new perspective for self-reflection and that you end up all the wiser after the smoke clears.

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Jun 21, 2019 08:55:47
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      @brandonwilson this is very much the case. thanks for the words I needed!

      Victoria Maung avatar Victoria Maung | Jun 22, 2019 04:26:20
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