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Jun 21, 2019 23:07:41

the core of me

by @lucjah PATRON | 200 words | 48🔥 | 325💌

Lucjah

Current day streak: 48🔥
Total posts: 325💌
Total words: 90660 (362 pages 📄)

There is this sadness. It feels like ingrained into my body. It is just there. It can be the best day, full of Sun, love, joy, sweetness... and yet, the moment I take my gaze off that Sun, that love, that joy, I can see, in the corner of my eye, a shadow. And the moment I encounter it, I feel heaviness seeping into me. It enters my cells, making EACH of them weightier. And I feel this pull... dooooown.... 

But there are also tranquil joy and patient happiness. As if I knew, that everything is the way it's supposed to be. That this life is the best life. That this man is the best man in the world (for me) and that the relationship is the best relationship we can have. And actually, I FEEL HAPPY. 

And so...

I have long been wondering which of these two is the inner core of me, and which is the outer? ("The mantle", as we can all imagine, is all the daily struggling and scruffling and boinging.)

Which is THE REAL ME? And which is just the wrapping?

But... Maybe... Fortunately... Unfortunately... IT ALL IS ME

Maybe I cannot choose, cannot discriminate.

  • ❤️ 1
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    @lucjah your questions reminded me of that Zen koan/story of the wave and the sea. Do you know that story? The wave heard from another wave about this thing called the sea. But he/she couldn't find it. The wave became free when it realized it is part of the sea. High waves or low waves, or still waters, it is the sea. Sadness or joy, they are all you, like you said! ;)

    Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Jun 22, 2019 21:50:07
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    @lucjah <3Uall

    PhilH avatar PhilH | Jun 22, 2019 10:23:54
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    @basilesamel , today 200 words is TWO HUNDRED WORDS! Yeeeey!

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Jun 21, 2019 23:08:52
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