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Jun 20, 2019 21:13:41

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

by @santhoshguru PATRON | 437 words | 🐣 | 241💌

Santhosh Guru

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Communication Gap/Issues - This is one of the easiest and generic ways to diagnose problems in any relationship. Be it with parents or spouse or colleague. As a problem, it may be accurate, but as a solution, this diagnosis is not helpful. Yes, we all know there is a communication gap. But you would agree in many situations that how-to-fix or why-this-happened-so-that-we-can-understand-and-fix-it kind of solutions is necessary. 

I was recommended a book 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. This book popped up in many podcasts as a must-read for a healthy relationship with your spouse. The cheesy title and corny cover made me hesitant to pick it up and read. But somehow through a push from a newsletter and insistence of my wife, I started listening to the audiobook. I am really thankful for people who recommended this. Yes, I can mock self-help books, cheesy titles and corny topics. But I would have remained stupid if I had not read it.

Gary Chapman is an experienced marriage counsellor. He has counselled numerous couples in his career and has converted his therapy sessions notes into a book. This book really worked for me because it gave me a lens to look into my marriage. It enriched our vocabulary to articulate the problems. 

Communication issues can happen in any marriage. I have been extremely lucky with my wife. We have been married happily for ten years. But we do often piss off each other because we are humans. We all work our asses off and sometimes what I see is not what she sees and vice-versa. 

Gary frames the communication problem in any marriage in a nice, simple and articulate manner. Every person has a way of expressing love and it is their "love language". Every person has a "love tank" which gets filled when someone uses their "love language". Listening to this book was really an epiphany because the love language of my wife is not the same as mine. I could easily figure out the instances of irritation and how it could have been addressed.

Suddenly this mystery communication problem looks very simple, solvable problem and a learnable skill. The same framework is applicable for kids, teenagers and singles as well. The framework and the solution proposed is very simple and commonsensical. It is a very short read and has tons of simple and actionable tips.

I highly recommend this book. Doesn't matter whether you are married or single or about to be married, this book is really good. It can equip with a simple framework, right vocabulary and a good lens to understand yourself, your spouse, your kids and your family.

  • 1

    @santhoshguru - I was hoping for some bullet points so I wouldn't have to read it.

    Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jun 20, 2019 10:40:15
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