"It never feels as bad when you're doing it. It just feels bad thinking about doing it."
That's what he said to me as I wept into his chest.
There's nothing wrong. Not really.
Well, hormones and carbs and sleepiness. A pending proposal and a pile of work. Looming deadlines. A letter unsent.
But on the other side of it, the laundry is up to date, there is money coming in, I'm exercising regularly and I eat good food most meals.
Some things just need to be felt.
And I'm feeling it.
Here's what I'm grateful for: I know it's a feeling.
I can't be mad if my oil needs changing or my tank is out of gas. It doesn't mean that the car is a lemon or that the destination isn't worth the journey.
It just means that the oil needs changing or the tank is out of gas.
All I can do is change the oil and refuel. And do my best to keep an eye on those levels next time.
Imagine if I thought it was someone's fault. Or if I tried to fix the situation. Or if I tried to write off the whole day.
Instead, I got up. I showered. I ran out of bacon. I went and bought some. I made breakfast. I ate breakfast. I washed up. I made coffee.
I'm here. Keeping my writing streak going. And then I'll go on to prep the slides for this afternoon's workshop. And I will probably feel low energy the whole time. And that's ok.