So even though with the fear of sounding stupid, I went ahead and said it. This time, my head beat my nerve.
She didn't care, but in a Good Wayby @abrahamKim PATRON | 389 words | 🐣 | 424💌
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“I’m dead tired. But I feel so alive right now.”
After having recited this in my head over and over again, I said it out loud. I watched raindrops splash against the windshield as we pierced through the rainfall. Jordan drove fast, and the wind propelled the raindrops backwards into jet streams. Some of them continued gliding along the sides of the car, but most raindrops fell to the middle of the windshield where a wiper blade erased them.
After watching hundreds of raindrops perish, I thought of how my days were filled with a worry of coming off stupid. I knew Jordan didn’t think I was stupid. Yet my nerves couldn’t live in a way that reflected this understanding. Most of the times, my head lost to my nerve. My brain knew it wiser to live as though I were a raindrop gliding against a windshield, instead of like someone wasting today with expectations of expecting on average 75.6 years. Better to live as if something so swift and simple as a wiper blade could erase me in a moment.
I watched Jordan smile. Both hands were confidently ontop the steering wheel. She was the only person I knew who didn’t look corny or nervous while driving with both hands. Her smile looked so bright. I’d never noticed them really because she always smoked in the car, and the way she smiled didn’t really reveal the teeth, but right here it felt like I was receiving an abnormal view, like a scene in a film shot from an unusual vantage point you’d never see in real life. She said something in regards to what I’d just said. But I couldn’t really register. Instead I was filled immediately with an urge to inspect my own teeth. A second later, I tried to in the side mirror, but the glass was glazed opaque by streams of water. Instead, I watched the side of the highway through the glaze created by the raindrops that had survived the wiper blades. I pretended to myself that I had not been trying to look in the mirror. Pretending to myself and not for Jordan, because she didn’t know. She didn’t care.