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Apr 08, 2019 20:40:17

One day when I stop 200wad

by @jasonleow | 287 words | 347🔥 | 385💌

Jason Leow

Current day streak: 347🔥
Total posts: 385💌
Total words: 186958 (747 pages 📄)

Someday, sometime in the future, I will stop writing here in this platform. Nothing lasts forever. Life circumstances change. Priorities evolve. Seasons end. 

Don't get me wrong - my journey here hasn't ended......yet. I still want to write. The streak motivates me to keep going. And the occasional comments I get are also encouraging. But just today, I got to thinking about the future, and how one day I will eventually stop. We all will. Eventually.

One day, I won't have to look for interesting ideas during the day anymore. One day, I won't have to keep checking the clock at night knowing that my window is closing. One day, I won't be opening the site in anticipation to read the cool stuff people are posting. One day, I won't have to look forward to the comments I might get. One day, I won't be able to read back in wonder at all the stuff I wrote (Wow did I really write that?!). One day, I will look back at this time when I shared so much with such openness and honesty. One day, I will miss having the opportunity to reflect and put shapeless thoughts and feelings, into tangible prose and imagery.

One day, when I stop writing 200 words a day, all these things will end. 

When I imagine that moment in the future, it filled my heart with pangs of longing. What a shame, I thought. It was a good time. A great season of life. 

Saying that out loud, made me all the more appreciate what I am doing here, what we are all doing here. It made be grateful. And made me want to write just another day. And another after that. And another.

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    @jasonleow At least one day is not today. I share in your gratitude for the community and the gift of writing.

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Apr 08, 2019 08:26:23
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      @brandonwilson not today yes. Not today......yet.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 09, 2019 20:24:18
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    @jasonleow so saaaad :( but yeah it's life

    Basile Samel avatar Basile Samel | Apr 08, 2019 15:29:37
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      @basilesamel yes when I did the thought experiment, it felt kinda sad too. But well, c'est la vie, no? ;)

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 09, 2019 20:25:16
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    @jasonleow - thinking about walking through that door -- and not looking back -- and hearing the door close behind me.

    Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Apr 08, 2019 05:46:36
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      @brianball has your season ended? How do you know? Curious and also asking for myself...

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 08, 2019 20:49:36
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      I have so many thoughts reading your post @jasonleow... and your comment @brianball
      I cannot imagine my "200WaD world" without you guys ...
      I really feel close. In that special 200WaD way, which can be more intimate than with many people IRL.
      The magic of the posts works such mysterious ways. We open parts which we never though we might have dared to open... We open places which we have never expected that exist. (Don't you wholeheartedly agree?)
      Yet, I am trying to imagine, there might be time when it's not "true" for me anymore. But right now I'm as far from that moment as I imagine possible.
      I'm going thru some hard period. My writing is boring, flat, kinda soulless. No wit there, no spark, no twist. I have no ideas. I have never expected to... go so "flat" in my writing here. I feel like a failure.
      And THAT is exactly why I want to go on! Thank you @basilesamel and @philh for making this adventure possible. Actually it feels like one of THE life adventures <3

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Apr 08, 2019 16:03:39
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      @jasonleow - it has not. I tend to work in cycles. I notice myself coming back to things years later. Several cycles. Very interesting indeed. At the same time, it's weird to read journals from 20 years ago where I'm still processing similar thoughts. Evolution may not be in a single life cycle :-)

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Apr 08, 2019 07:09:48
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      @jasonleow @lucjah - There's room here for flat writing without flair. Ideas are unimportant. Word choice is similarly forgiving.

      I like showing up and sharing. I appreciate when @jasonleow and @baz and @lucjah and @abrahamkim and @brandonwilson pull me along for a read. Indeed.

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Apr 08, 2019 07:12:01
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      @brianball <3

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Apr 08, 2019 16:16:51
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      @jasonleow @brianball @lucjah @brandon you are the best users I ever had <333

      Basile Samel avatar Basile Samel | Apr 08, 2019 20:26:46
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      @basilesamel - can we get some Best User Badges ? ;-)

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Apr 08, 2019 21:51:55
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      @brianball Brandon is getting a Streak Officer badge. Lucjah will get a Couch Officer badge. Since you are a patron I can make you a custom badge :)

      Basile Samel avatar Basile Samel | Apr 09, 2019 10:26:34
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      @lucjah yes exactly! In a special way 200wad feels more intimate than say Facebook or Medium, or even acquaintances IRL. The open-heartedness is the one thing I feel I will find it hardest to let go.

      Re: your hard period, I can feel the pain too! Went through that slump too, remember? ;) In some ways I still get it from time to time. Often I feel that my writing reflects what's happening in my life. If I'm feeling a slump or stalemate in my writing, it probably means I'm not very inspired by or feeling indifferent about life right now. When I go seek some inspiration/novelty, feel excited about life again, or travel, then I start to have stuff to write again. Not sure if this is the case for you, but thought I'll share my experience.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 09, 2019 20:32:57
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      @brianball Ah I see I see. Yes, cycles and seasons. I see that in myself too.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 09, 2019 20:34:00
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      @brianball @basilesamel I want a badge too! hahaha

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 09, 2019 20:34:15
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    Really really nice. Feel the same way. And also this reminds me of how thinking about the end instead of ignoring it makes you appreciate the present. Just like death and life.

    Abe avatar Abe | Apr 08, 2019 14:41:50
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      @abrahamKim Oh yes your analogy about death is so spot on. That is indeed what I was doing here... Wow. Makes it all the more precious. Thanks for saying that!

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Apr 08, 2019 20:48:41
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