I had been freelancing for about a year. The work was coming in. Good work. Work that I loved.
I was also doing my best to stay in love with the work. It was a balancing act of making sure the work was good, yes, but also making sure I took care of myself - sleeping right, eating right, having personal pursuits.
All I wanted was to do work I loved while remaining healthy.
I was struggling with balancing it all and I realised that, while I had structured my work around having a good life, I hadn't factored in finances.
The irony was that I was a trained accountant, I knew that I should know better, and all the while I was trying to ignore the nagging feeling that I had no right to be doing this. It would be so easy to believe that it's not really possible, I can't really have it all.
I had to borrow money from my partner. It wasn't much. Just a few hundred dollars. But that request really woke me up to the fact that this wasn't working for me.
I spent the morning journalling and wrote this down:
If I do great work then I can charge a fair rate and expect to be paid on time
If I choose to do work out of love then the love rate should have a fixed expiration
If I only agree to what I can sustain then I will have room to do both kinds of work