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Dec 13, 2018 13:17:48

On a scale of 1 – 10 how honest are you?

by @brianball PATRON | 332 words | 1🔥 | 389💌

Brian Ball

Current day streak: 1🔥
Total posts: 389💌
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And by this, I mean whatever comes to mind that you might be hiding.

The thing is, humans don't really need honesty. We need reliability, somewhat. We need predictability, often. But, honesty is actually quite optional. If you tell somebody you hate them, that may be honest, but not useful. Maybe hate is not really honest at all times. It could be an emotional outburst that, like a knife, can slice open feelings and leave the unaware person bleeding hard-won self-confidence. Sure, you were honest. You got your slice in. But, you're still in the relationship, so you now have scar tissue to deal with.

Honesty may well be more about being vulnerable and trying to get feedback and perspective. In that case, it's likely most important that you're first being honest with yourself. Will you be able to say, objectively, what is actually happening? Will the results be part of the truth that gets communicated or will you try to sugarcoat the details and make them seem more acceptable than they otherwise might be?

Honest with others is important, but honesty with self is vital. But, what if we have a blindspot and cannot be objective about our own reality? That's when it's really important to not only be honest, but also humble. We have to ask for ideas and thoughts without being resistant. We have to ask with sincere curiosity about what could be going on and how the real world is perceiving us.

On a scale of 1-10, I'd say I'm being about 6.5 honest. Though that sentence doesn't read well, I have some ideas. A 10 would be 100 percent honest and a 5 would be half lying most of the time. A 6.5 means you have some positive intent but don't necessarily trust the recipients of your truth to be able to help you in any meaningful way, so you're not going to give them all the juicy details. In summary: Honest with positive intent. Reserved enough to keep everybody feeling good.

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    @brianball "Honest with positive intent" I love that!
    Your text really resonates in me. I think sometimes when you write "honesty" I would use a phrase "being genuine". For me it means being true with/about yourself, without the unnecessary "honesty" towards others. Im convinced that the Appropriate Level of Honesty very much depends on the context. There are times when - eg while talking with a close one about a difficult situation - saying "I hate you" (I would add "right now") may be a positive thing. It's an "I" statement (not a "you" statement, like "you are horrible"), a genuine information, where you are emotionally at this very moment. Saying that to a sells person, who just fucked up your order, will not bring anything good or constructive to the situation. Your goal is to straighten out the situation, your emotions are as redundant as only possible.
    I would assess that I would be aiming for 97% honesty/genuineness while "working" on an intimate relationship (with someone who, in my perception, is open and willing to understand where im coming from), but it can be... lets say 27% in a situation I need to achieve something when dealing with a stranger. And there is a whole rainbow of percentages in between: talking to my daughter, to my mother in law, to a colleague ...
    Reading "an outburst that, like a knife, can slice open feelings and leave the unaware person bleeding (...) now have scar tissue to deal with." I though I'd like to share this story with you
    (it has a religious perspective, but i use it in a totally relationship contexts).
    A man/woman did something "wrong" according to her/his moral code. Feels like it was unacceptable and that "god" cannot forgive that. Goes... lets say to a "rabbi", seeking consolation, advice. And "rabbi" says: "Every time you cut this precious thread linking you to "god", and then sincerely mend it, the thread gets shorter and... you become closer than before.

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Jan 09, 2019 15:51:36
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      @lucjah Thank you for the this thoughtful reply. You are definitely picking up what I was laying down.

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jan 09, 2019 18:15:37
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      @brianball hihihi, it seems I am ;-)

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Jan 09, 2019 18:34:10
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