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Apr 28, 2019 13:59:15

Lonely in the Crowd

by @haideralmosawi PATRON | 418 words | 19🔥 | 202💌

Haider Al-Mosawi

Current day streak: 19🔥
Total posts: 202💌
Total words: 64179 (256 pages 📄)

Last night I saw a Twitter poll by Visakanv about feeling lonely. I replied to the poll with:

I went through a phase of feeling lonely in the crowd. I was surrounded by loved ones but felt nobody can understand me.
Then I realized not everybody has to understand everything I go through. We can relate to each other in the fragments of shared experiences.

Another Twitter user was able to relate to the first sentiment, but hadn't reached the second yet. I was hoping I could be more helpful in getting others to experience my realization, but I can't pin it down to a single thought or experience. I felt like I needed to explore this further: How was I able to detach from caring how much I can relate to others?

To be clear: I don't experience any frustration or resentment towards others for not being able to relate to me. I'm at peace with the fact there are experiences I will have that no one else can understand and feelings I won't be able to share with anybody else.

I'm perfectly fine with this, but I don't know what led me to this state of mind, especially when I remember not feeling this way. I wanted friends or family members who would understand me completely, but there was always a thought others would misunderstand or feeling they would question or value they would argue against.

I never felt like anyone would give me space to be fully me.

Perhaps it's because relying on others means that my own opinion of myself isn't enough, and that I need external validation. 

I've come to accept that I don't need other people's approval to accept my own thoughts and feelings. This isn't to say that I don't have my own blindspots and that I can't learn from others. I know I'm not perfect, but I can go through the journey of life without having others completely relate to what I go through.

I relate to others in varying degrees and different dimensions. That's OK. Nobody needs to understand me fully.

I don't feel lonely because I'm with me, and I can enjoy being in the crowd without them fully knowing who I am and what I'm going through. We can support each other in many ways, but we are ultimately responsible for our own lives.

Have you ever had the feeling you're lonely while surrounded by those who cared about you? 

Did you manage to transcend this feeling?

  • 1

    Hi @haideralmosawi , thanks for sharing this.

    Does this experience occur in marriage?

    Seun Oyebode avatar Seun Oyebode | Apr 28, 2019 20:12:00
    • 1

      @seunoyebode You mean being self-reliant and not expecting external validation?

      It happened to me when I was married. In fact, it probably helped because I realized the person closest to me will never understand me fully or support all my thoughts and values, or validate all my feelings.

      And that's OK. She's her own person and I'm my own. We support each other and have the freedom to disagree with one another. It's very liberating, actually, and I think it's a more genuine expression of love.

      Haider Al-Mosawi avatar Haider Al-Mosawi | Apr 28, 2019 22:20:52
    • 1

      @haideralmosawi Thank you for this

      Seun Oyebode avatar Seun Oyebode | Apr 28, 2019 22:29:49
    • 1

      @seunoyebode My pleasure. :D

      Haider Al-Mosawi avatar Haider Al-Mosawi | Apr 29, 2019 02:05:43
  • 1


    I agree 100% and also went through a similar trajectory and growth pattern. I know many people who are still at that stage of relying on outside validation as the ultimate judge. I shared this with my brother. Thanks for sharing!

    Abe avatar Abe | Apr 28, 2019 17:58:55
    • 1

      @abrahamKim Thanks, Abe! And I'm happy to see it resonated with you. :D

      Haider Al-Mosawi avatar Haider Al-Mosawi | Apr 28, 2019 22:04:17
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