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Jun 30, 2019 21:41:54

Living a life true to yourself = pissing off other people?

by @jasonleow | 431 words | 226🔥 | 264💌

Jason Leow

Current day streak: 226🔥
Total posts: 264💌
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Parent post: Regret

@keni mentioned in her post the "the #1 most common regret is not having the courage to live a life true to self and not the life others expect." I came across articles exploring that topic before, and more recently, chanced upon this line:


The moment you care for yourself is when you start pissing off lots of people.


That line really struck a cord...deep. And it's connected to the earlier part about having the courage to live a life true to myself. Because the main thing about this courage is not about fear of change or the unknown, nor is it about fear of the challenges of that true life. The courage needed comes in many forms I guess, and it is different for different folks. For me, the main roadblock is the anxiety around pissing people off. 


I think I'd like to think of myself as a reasonable, nice person. I seek to be helpful, and seek to be appreciated as helpful. And I sure am super adverse to direct confrontation and conflict. So that adds to the nervousness around pissing people off. And true to that quoted line, based on experience, when I care for myself; when I start to choose for myself over others; when I say no; when I reject people, invariably some people won't like that decision, especially if they expect and want your help on something.


I'm not saying that it's okay to be hedonistic, anti-social and self-obsessed, and not give a care about anyone or anything. I think as with all things, balance is key. Perhaps I had leaned too much to the other extreme, of trying too hard to live up to the expectations of others and of society, that I lack the courage to choose for myself more often, to live a life true to myself. I believe in most of daily life, it's okay to say no, especially when it's not life and death situations, when it's not morally repulsive to say no. Most of the time, people have alternatives, and if "no" is delivered and explained in a skillful way, no one else is worse off. If they do get offended even when I reject gently, then perhaps it's time for me to re-examine my relationship with that person - he/she might be taking advantage of me to start with. Good riddance, perhaps.


So, learning to become comfortable with potentially pissing people off when I say no, will be my main practice to overcoming this #1 regret in life. To start off, the more people I piss off, the better! Hah!

 

From Jason Leow's collection:

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    @jasonleow - I hear you Jason. We are living the same life. I too have decided to learn the art of saying no skillfully and not obsessing over it before and after. Unfortunately, by default many people would take more than they should if we let them.

    Good luck to us on this journey.
    Please share and tag me if you experience progress around this.

    Keni avatar Keni | Jun 30, 2019 09:47:51
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      @keni thanks for empathising. Oh yes, I now remember we had a similar conversation before about this some time back? Yes, I'm realising that many people would take more than they should. And I always kick myself after, for letting that happen, especially if it wasn't the first time. I probably trust people too easily, giving them the benefit of the doubt even if it's not due. Have you experienced that before too?

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Jun 30, 2019 21:51:43
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      @jasonleow - Oh yeah. Many times over. That is why I love the clarity that comes with anger. If I have reached anger, its likely a repeat offender :). So at that point - I am very clear and not afraid to do what I should have done a while back.

      Keni avatar Keni | Jun 30, 2019 10:16:53
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      @keni oh yes, righteous anger - the only time anger is useful! ;) I tend to do that too.

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Jul 01, 2019 20:23:50
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