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Jun 12, 2019 14:27:52

Livid with myself

by @twizzle PATRON | 568 words | 163🔥 | 171💌


Current day streak: 163🔥
Total posts: 171💌
Total words: 60938 (243 pages 📄)

I'm a bit livid at the moment.

Hope this doesn't come off as a massive rant post.

But - it is myself I am livid with.

My wife can't drive after breaking her arm badly a few years ago, so if she needs to go anywhere other than within walking distance, I have to drive her.  My 2 kids don't drive yet either and the youngest seems to think I am his taxi service.

So today, I was supposed to be working at home in the morning, dropping my wife to an appointment at lunchtime and going to the office for some (phone) meetings and to see my colleagues (for a change).

I found out at the last minute that my son was going out to meet with a friend and asked for a lift, to which I replied "yes" knowing full well it would mean I had to drop my wife, come home, pick him up, take him to where he needed to go (7 miles away) and then go to the office.

No biggie - I would just be a little late to the office than planned before my meetings were due.

I dropped my wife and turned the car around and headed home.  She called me after I was 5 minutes down the road.  A client had cancelled and she didn't need to be back to see the next one for another 1.5 hours, so she wanted to come back home to do other things.

I swung the car around at the next roundabout and collected her.  I was getting pissed off now.  The delay meant that I would have to drop her back later, closer to my meeting time and I would not make it into the office.

I took her home, checked my Son was ready and took him and dropped him.  He said, "I won't be too long."  I took this to mean he also wanted to be collected later, because fuck, Dad isn't really doing anything else today.

I was feeling more pissed off, drove far too fast home and went straight upstairs and sat in the ensuite bathroom, in the dar, hiding from the world.  How did my day suddenly turn into this shitty feeling!

I dropped my wife back at her appointment and had to speed home to be on the phone for my (I was chairing it) meeting at 2 pm.  I made some bullshit excuse about having issues getting dialled in and managed to complete the meeting ok.

I have a follow-up meeting half an hour after that one and I know my son will be contacting me, asking for a lift back home in the middle.  I also have to go back to collect my wife at 5 pm too.

I guess, when it is in writing, things don't seem quite as serious.  It's just that expectation that I can drop everything and it does not matter.  I don't really know why my Son can't catch a bus like a normal teenager and be more independent for once.  I have created this situation by not saying no often enough.  It is my fault he relies on me too much - which is why I am livid - with myself.

My wife can't and I know that and expect I will have to be driving her everywhere for the foreseeable....

Sorry - rant over..

Time for my next meeting.  The laptop is already "dinging" at me to join...

  • ❤️ 1
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    @twizzle Aha, a nice guy. "I have created this situation by not saying no often enough." This is it, I've been there plenty of times but life changed when I started to speak my mind and to set and communicate clear boundaries, from the beginning. But you know what, it's never too late.
    Highly recommend this for you: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

    Gabriel Greco avatar Gabriel Greco | Jun 13, 2019 09:43:14
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      @gabrielgreco Thanks Gab. I will check it out. And yes, I probably am too nice for my own good :)

      Twizzle avatar Twizzle | Jun 13, 2019 11:24:36
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    @twizzle -great rant!

    Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jun 12, 2019 07:01:31
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      @brianball He he.. thanks :) It felt good at the time, but I did feel guilty for writing it afterwards. Worried I was going too far over something so silly.

      Twizzle avatar Twizzle | Jun 12, 2019 15:08:42
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      @twizzle -- sure, you could always make it private or just delete it after writing it -- but if it happens and you share it - it gives us a chance to chime in. I've felt this before. Then, when I asked myself do I have to do this? Can I say no? -- and I realized I could say no. Later -- sometimes I'd say no. Nobody seemed to mind. Other times, I realized, these 5-minutes taking my son to school might be time for one shared Car ee okie -- how many of those can I collect in this life? ( the more the better )

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jun 12, 2019 08:35:32
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    @twizzle It is fine to experience the emotions, and I'm glad you are working through them. Looks like you have already identified potential solutions. It is good to focus on what is within your control and let the rest go.

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Jun 12, 2019 06:37:16
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      @brandonwilson Yes - I agree. In the massive scheme of things, these are little problems. I need to focus on the fact that I am helping others (which I enjoy) but need to try to rein in the fact that people take advantage of me and I am not settings boundaries or limits.
      I was just surprised today how quickly I went from zero to a raving mentalist in less than 30 minutes :)

      Twizzle avatar Twizzle | Jun 12, 2019 15:07:55
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