Now I understand Humbolt when he says he feels like he's being chased by pigs. In my tired state I sense a restless feeling pushing me toward self-improvement, the thing is, I’m not sure it is entirely good. The reason I am saying this is that it won't’ stop, it’s constantly moving back and forth in my mind. It’s generating more than just self-improvement, it also creates a state of chaos, or stress if you will, because I can’t think of anything else. I am being chased by pigs.
But in this meditative state, I also sense what the Buddhists have been preaching for generations. There is no point holding onto thoughts, they shift constantly, and 99% of them are not important enough to let them linger in your mind. If they are, they will come back, if they’re not they will be replaced. It’s time to let your mind go, it was not built for you to hold on to. Life is not a permanent state, it is in its most fundamental form a "happening" in constant change. When something is to be defined as permanent, it's dead. If you want a healthy mind, you have to let it live.