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Mar 13, 2019 13:11:50

Get off the roller coaster and turn the page...

by @arthurkendall PATRON | 388 words | 🐣 | 60πŸ’Œ

Arthur Kendall

Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 60πŸ’Œ
Total words: 32812 (131 pages πŸ“„)

I do like to mix my metaphors!

@yaki The emotional roller coaster ride certainly is tiring.

My thoughts on this are evolving almost daily on this, though - even as I was writing. I started off thinking I was writing about having "stepped off" the roller coaster, and it is true that I don't have those moments of extreme euphoria followed by extreme lows (the first is always quicker to come and go than the second!) any more.

But since I do still feel intense emotions, I like to think of the positive side of the ride, knowing that I can step off and recover quickly.

Like watching a very emotive film, like Hotel Rwanda or The King's Speech - I was masochistic enough to watch these back to back one weekend and it was completely draining! But the films are so worth watching and while they are based on real facts, you have no personal attachment beyond empathy and sympathy, so you can move on.

It's harder in real life, but I think I have learnt to do so (time and a new challenge will tell!)

Some people see the sun rising every day as the same sun, rising on the same problems. But my friend's reaction to that was that she is the opposite - every day is a new day, the sun shines on a new beginning. 

The analogy she uses is turning the page. When something painful happens, she gets it out in the open, usually writing. Then she can look at it more objectively and literally turn the page. It allows her to move on quickly.

I used to think that was a cold approach to life. But I know that I also harboured guilt about moving on and a desire to keep the old feeling that once made me so happy. Not to mention a victim mentality. None of which is helpful!

So now I see it as neither being "untrue" to yourself and/or the other person/people, nor anything other than a healthy way to live, in the present moment, prepared for the next moment, the next day, the next opportunity that we have the immense fortune to be given.

As long as we are open to it and ready to unpack its gifts, which are often hidden in unusual places or packages.

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    @arthurkendall If changing cognitive mechanism was easy, there would be no suffering.
    Also people are very different and things which are possible to achieve and master by some, might be completely out of reach for others...

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 20, 2019 22:59:50
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      @lucjah "If changing cognitive mechanism was easy, there would be no suffering". Well, it would be short-lived, anyway. Wouldn't that me amazing??

      The Buddha said that desire is the root of all suffering. So removing desire (e.g. the desire for someone else to be different to the way they are) will also remove the suffering. I have argued it's not necessary to remove ALL desire, as it is what motivates us to take action.

      But I digress.

      "things which are possible to achieve and master by some, might be completely out of reach for others"

      As Henry Ford said, whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're right. At the end of the day, we all have the same physiology, injury or illness notwithstanding, so the same potential. We feel powerless simply by denying this power.

      Believe me, I know how difficult it can be to believe this stuff, and when your up to your eyeballs in shit, it is very difficult to see anything other than the shit. BUT YOU ARE NOT THE SHIT!! If we can put some distance between us and our circumstances (the shit), we can learn to realise we are not our circumstances and so we can move beyond. It has to start from within, not expecting, much less demanding, that the world be different or anything other than what it is.

      And the reality is that we are ALL powerful. If you want to know what a challenge is, take a look at this: The Butterfly circus, a beautiful, inspiring short film that will have you in tears and hopefully realise that the bigger the struggle, the bigger the triumph... xx https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p98KAEif3bI

      Arthur Kendall avatar Arthur Kendall | Mar 22, 2019 10:24:25
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      @arthurkendall omg... i have to disagree again
      "the same potential" so not true, what if someone has e.g neurological problems...
      we do not have the same potential, as we do not have the same karma when we are born

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 22, 2019 18:07:53
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      @arthurkendall I had to disagree, so much... but i clicked the link and lost the comment and maybe... for the better :D

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 22, 2019 18:10:28
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      @lucjah I did say "injury or illness notwithstanding" - clearly if there is a physiological problem the brain cannot function in the same way. But look at people with Down's Syndrome, for example. They are wonderfully loving people who could teach us all about love. And often they are happier, because they can't overanalyse things as we do.

      What I'm trying to say is that our past (and our past lives, if you believe in that), does not dictate our future.

      That we are all connected to the universal source, the energy that makes up all the universe. So we all have the potential to use that power, in our own unique ways.

      It's how we choose to use, or deny that power that dictates our lives.

      If we choose to stay in anxiety instead of welcoming the feeling and letting it pass through and out of us, we have no-one to blame but ourselves for the way we feel; and if we choose to blame others for our misfortune, this victim mentality will stop us from taking any responsibility for our lives and we will never move on.

      I miss the bubbly, slightly naughty girl who tagged me every 5 minutes with some interesting new post or comment. If I sound like I'm trying to impose, I apologise, I will try and find a better way to express myself.

      I just want you to see that we are not our problems, our circumstances. We are more than that. Don't believe me, just play with the idea. xx

      Arthur Kendall avatar Arthur Kendall | Mar 24, 2019 10:06:57
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      @lucjah Or do you not think Stephen Hawking was powerful? He achieved so much despite his severe neurological problems and he certainly didn't blame his circumstances. Will, in The Butterfly Circus had no arms or legs - he didn't have the same potential did he? Actually you might say his potential was greater, because he had more to overcome than most of us do.

      Arthur Kendall avatar Arthur Kendall | Mar 24, 2019 10:11:24
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      because, as I wholeheartedly agree with myself, @arthurkendall, you seem to wholeheartedly disagree, I think the two of us need to agree to disagree.

      We have our different life experiences and specific view of the world, and I don't think there is a chance of one of us "converting" the other.

      My search in life was grossly fuelled by decades of endogenous (not connected to any current life events) depression which I still haven't fully befriended.

      (well, maybe you would actually put me in the "injury or illness notwithstanding" category, and everything would be "happily resolved"?)

      Hence years of individual therapy, group therapy, endless workshops, yoga practice and then meditation.

      The therapy I encountered and hold onto was of a specific sort - psychodynamic, and modern version of psychoanalysis later on. These are very self-reflective (not much CBT there - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - focused on [short term in my opinion] results).

      The goal, especially of psychoanalysis, is "just" to see oneself for what we truly are. No ambition of change, as once we REALLY see, everything is altered.

      The meditation was just a continuation of sorts. It wasn't "transcendent", "loving-kindness", "mindful", "progressive relaxation". Just good old "hardcore zen
      (https://www.wisdompubs.org/book/hardcore-zen)]
      It's perspective on life and the world is very specific.
      (a tiny peep here
      (https://200wordsaday.com/words/cognitive-dissonance-the-path-to-130235c966737e5760)]

      It is all about... seeing oneself for what we truly are. NO GOAL to all the efforts. No promise of "improvement" or "progress" (in Soto Zen no promise of "enlightenment").

      You are who you are! The only thing to do is to get to know yourself.

      And this is where I am.

      Trying to meet... my shadow, anger, procrastination, pettiness, depression, jealousy, my racism, agism, envy, hatred...

      And, in the midst of all that, while "holding the tension between the opposites", I'm wondering, will "the unexpected emerge and the irrational β€œthird” effectively resolve"... it all..
      (https://200wordsaday.com/words/cognitive-dissonance-and-an-amazing-irrational-third-129375c94fd88238a2)

      Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Mar 24, 2019 17:58:24
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