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May 25, 2019 21:50:06

For that little voice in my head that's always keeping score

by @jasonleow | 488 words | 311🔥 | 349💌

Jason Leow

Current day streak: 311🔥
Total posts: 349💌
Total words: 166419 (665 pages 📄)

I'd been writing posts like 200 spaces, where we add a space in between every letter to bulk up the word count. And recently, using lorem ipsum as filler to make a post. A streak trick? That's looks like cheating!


In my own defense, I often say that I'd already written other posts, and this is just for fun, or to post short poems that I like to keep as is. I often label these as tiny acts of subversion.


But why do I call it as subverting and rebelling? Who exactly am I rebelling against? Certainly not Baz, the one who created this 200wad platform. There's no moderators in this community, nor any writing/moral police who would word count your integrity. 


So who is it, really? It's for that little voice in our heads that's always keeping score, especially mine. This voice, always trying to toe the line, be part of the herd, be a good boy. Keep your head down. Finish your vegetables. Hand in your homework on time. Do as you're told. Obey the rules. Always, always obey. Write 200 words by your own effort to keep your streak.


So, to challenge that voice in me, I write this posts to make myself uncomfortable. To make that voice feel uneasy. It's a self-inflicted act of self-rebellion. Because, why worry that streak tricks like that makes me less worthy or eligible to keep my streak? So what if I lose legitimacy to keep the streak? Who's policing anyway? What's the prize if I do keep to the rules? 


No, there's none. There's only the silent but deadly pressure from myself to myself to conform, to keep to my lane. That's why I do those posts. To challenge that. In myself. To remind that voice, that keeping score is not the intent here. It's the trickster in me wanting to shakes things up a bit, rile up that good boy, just to see what happens. What if I could break these rules that I subconsciously hold...what could I go on to create? Not just the rules here, but elsewhere too. Society rules on you - if you dropped them, what next? What if you don't play by the rules of the game? Imagine! 


But to be honest, it's all still not quite challenging enough. I'm still trying to have my cake and eat it too. I'm still kind of keeping in my lane (having some sort of justifiable defense that it's not the only thing I post), and testing boundaries only by dipping my toes from time to time. Like that's so subversive and counter-culture and all that... *rolls eyes (at myself)


I wonder what writing experiments I can do here that would be against social norms, unquestioned rules and be out of bounds, and so challenge myself in uncomfortable ways to grow as a writer, as a creative person. Which 'sacred cow' can I slay?


One day, one day......

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Comments

  • 1

    @jasonleow "Which 'sacred cow' can I slay?" - very inspiring, it would deserve a post on its own!

    PhilH avatar PhilH | May 31, 2019 22:09:13
    • 1

      @philh thanks! What sacred cows do you think there are? I'm still racking my head

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Jun 01, 2019 21:24:31
  • 1

    @jasonleow Rules, self-imposed or otherwise, be damned. Interested to see where this could go.

    Jeff Riddall avatar Jeff Riddall | May 25, 2019 10:08:47
    • 1

      @Rawhead yeah! Brules (bs rules) be damned. Happy to take suggestions if you have any ideas on what writing experiments I could do :)

      Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | May 25, 2019 22:11:51
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