loading words...

Jan 07, 2019 21:32:12

Finding my "Love of something"

by @rasmusrygh | 368 words | 4๐Ÿ”ฅ | 72๐Ÿ’Œ

Rasmus Rygh

Current day streak: 4๐Ÿ”ฅ
Total posts: 72๐Ÿ’Œ
Total words: 17924 (71 pages ๐Ÿ“„)

First day of the new job today, and i am already questioning everything in my life. Come to think of it, i have been doing so for a while. My occupation, my relationships, how i spend my time.Every aspect of my reality is questioned, in some way or another. The thing is, is the way iโ€™m living my life right for me?

I am looking for this carrot you see, this one thing i can dedicate my life to. And, despite everything my younger self believed, i canโ€™t find this satisfaction in either money, nor stature. The buddha said that if i stop desiring, i will cease to suffer. Yet wanting to stop desire, is desire itself, so i guess that's not the way to go. The thing is tho, i am looking for a reason to get up in the morning, something i can get right. My journey of self discovery is fueled by the fire to discover this โ€œlove of somethingโ€ within me. I believe i have been given some clues one of which i am doing right now; Writing down my thoughts.

Now, i might be doing this for two reasons; one is a form of analysing my head intellectually and with the right method. The other, to clear my head so that i might use it more effectively doing reason number 1. They both serve the same purpose. It seems i am at a tireless pursuit of finding a self. Everything i do daily seems to be connected to this task.

Some men, a lot smarter than I, told me to spend my time doing what I really want to. Now that is a two sided coin because you want to take care of yourself, and do what is necessary, but you want to enjoy yourself doing it. Now, how do you live a life like that?

Alan Watts said to find a way in which you get paid for playing, now that makes sense. But how can you do that, when you donโ€™t know what you want to play yet? 

If you ever feel or have felt the same, please feel free to discuss this with me, i would love your input 

contact: email - twitter / Terms / Privacy