“You’ve heard of MADD, right? Mothers Against Drunk Driving?” Jake liked using that line to strike up conversations with random strangers next to him at a bar. He was pushing fifty but he could still pass for late 30’s on a good day. On a bad day, he’s a photocopy of Nick Nolte’s mugshot.
He used his opener on a younger, dark-haired guy wearing a blue Izod polo shirt. If he had khaki pants on he could have been mistaken for a Best Buy employee.
“Sure I’ve heard of ‘em,” Blue Izod responded.
“I’m the direct opposite of that. I’m a member of GTODD.” Jake pronounced it “Gee-TAWD” the second syllable rhyming with a fire-and-brimstone southern preacher’s pronunciation of God—“GAWWWDuh”
Blue Izod looked away from his drink to Jake while nodding slightly, a tacit indication to keep going.
“GTODD stands for Guys That Only Drive Drunk.” Jake looked at Blue Izod with a self-satisfying grin and almost winked like Mrs. Doubtfire sitting down to dinner with the head of the local tv station Mr. Lundy. He caught himself, though, because he was trying to eliminate that habit ever since he discovered it had cost him several opportunities to get laid.
Blue Izod registered faint interest. He generally liked to keep to himself and engaged in light (and brief) conversation only because it was the socially acceptable thing to do. He cursed himself for forgetting his AirPods at home. He was finished tending to all manner of social media, and he just started to get a buzz going and decided to humor this stranger.
“Before I comment on that farcical idea, first let me point out that your group’s name is grammatically incorrect.” He said this in a vocal tone that didn’t quite mask the smart-ass-ness that was injected into the comment.
Jake had gotten several responses from his customary opener, but this was the first time someone pointed out a grammar error. “What do you mean?”
“The word ‘that’ is incorrect. When you say the word ‘guys’ you are referencing people and with people, you use the word ‘who.’”
Jake blinked a couple times and then looked off into the distance as if imagining the letters in big lights on the side of the wall. His lips started to move as he mouthed out the new acronym. “G W O D D….Gee-WAWD? Hell, that doesn’t have the same ring to it. I think I’ll stick with GTODD all the same to you.”