There are two types of mafia dons. The one that disposes of traitors filled with hatred, and one that disposes of them with a tear in their eye.
One time I was very sad because someone treated me wrong. And they asked me if my emotions were directed at them. And I said no I wasn't crying that they were being mean to me, but crying at the prospect that in the future we may not be friends.
The kind of don I respect is the one who does not hate the underlings who betray him. The kind of don I respect doesn't throw his arms in disbelief that such can happen and scream insults and threats into the existential wind. The don I respect understands why the betrayal happened, and still has the traitor taken care of, but not as a vengeful payback, but a painful follow through of ethics and discipline.
All my life, I've naturally been too egotistical. I've been to nice with myself. I let the weaker versions of me continue to betray the family of me. I let it slide because I wasn't a don. I was an underling in a don's chair. However, compared to some of the self loathing people I saw, I thought I was doing it right. The self-loathers were dons always paranoid of their underlings, always having them whacked. They were not much different than a dictator.
The realization I've been coming to recently is that, we all need to be hard on ourselves. Don't listen to people who tell you you need to relax and be easier on yourself. From my perspective, I say rather: Be harder on yourself, but don't be beating yourself up filled with anger and hatred, but rather sadness. Sadness for the death of someone you loved. But some people you love, have to go. Even if that someone is you.