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Dec 07, 2018 14:14:19

Am I Fat?

by @wernminlim | 345 words | 🐣 | 85💌

Gene Lim

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Total posts: 85💌
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Before I continue, I want to put a disclaimer that this is my personal point of view and my personal experience with my girlfriend and I do not intend to offend any woman.

How many times have you been asked to answer the question: AM I FAT? Me? I think many times.

I believe this is the toughest question to answer especially if the one asking is your girlfriend. How am I suppose to answer it? Shall I answer it honestly or what? Is she expecting a NO answer or what? Until now, I still do not know what is the best response because whichever answer I give Newton's 3rd law applies: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction...and sometimes the reaction is too much.

I recalled the very first time I was asked to answer the question AM I FAT. At first, I looked at her eyes, then to her body back to her eyes and even I did not utter any single word, she just turned her back, started to act weird, and finally became moody the whole day. To think that I did not even respond yet. 

The second time I was asked, I tried to reply swiftly. "AM I FAT?", she asked. I smiled and replied, "Do not worry, Love, I don't like skinny woman." She once again turned her back, started to act weird, and became moody the whole day. What did I do wrong this time? I was seriously clueless and confused. 

The third time, I tried to be more careful. "AM I FAT?", she asked. I smiled and replied, "It's okay, Love. I still love you!." She once again turned her back, started to act weird, and became moody the whole day. I was left hanging and petrified.

From then on, I feel like I developed an answering-am-I-fat-question phobia. I feel like these 3-word question has sharp blade which can cut my flesh deeply.  

AM I FAT? It will be safer and peaceful to just reply NO, I think.

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    @wernminlim I laughed my ass off the whole damn text dude!!! This is so funny! And the fact that your english is not "perfect" makes the statements sooooo much more hilarious because I can see myself haha.

    Basile Samel avatar Basile Samel | Dec 07, 2018 19:13:54
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      @basilesamel :-) I think it's men's fate to face this question whenever you're in a relationship.

      Gene Lim avatar Gene Lim | Dec 08, 2018 02:20:12
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    @wernminlim haha, as a woman, I can relate to your girlfriend. I can offer my 2 cents on each scenario.

    The non-response: not a good to leave a question hanging in a relationship. If she's asking you this question in the first place, either she's (A) in a mood where she's not feeling very confident about herself and wants affirmation from the person she loves that she is still wanted, or (B) trying to gauge/have a discussion about your personal opinions on body image, so she can weigh them against her own. For example, I find it endearing when my partner calls me a chubby bunny (putting a positive spin on a negative trait), but assures me that he loves me no matter what size I am and that he will do whatever I can to support my body-image goals.

    "skinny women" : ah, the age-old "I like you because you're not like the others" excuse. Girls don't want to be praised at the expense of other women. There's a sense of solidarity among fellow women against patriarchal norms, such as double-standards in body image. As a girlfriend, I want to know that my partner sees good in people, can acknowledge and get along with other people regardless of gender, and most importantly, find redeeming qualities in me that goes beyond body image. Bonus: it adds to my own self-image if I know that my partner chose to be with me, out of all the remarkable people we have in our lives.

    "I still love you" : you just told her "yes," but I appreciate the follow-up with love. You could also follow-up maybe with a list of other parts of her body that you do love, like a button nose or beautiful eyes (corny, but works). And also maybe a list of non-superficial reasons you love her. Assure her that you love and will love her for just how she is. If she expresses that she wants to embark on a journey towards a more healthful living, support her. Sometimes you can lead by example, too. After all, in successful long-term relationships, partners often experience a convergence of personal values.I'm sure lifestyle is one of those values.

    Again, just my two cents. Good luck!

    Victoria Maung avatar Victoria Maung | Dec 07, 2018 15:12:31
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      @wernminlim oh and I guess one more point I want to make is that empathizing with the gravitas of the issue goes a long way. Body image may not seem like a big issue to many people, but women tend to face a disproportionate number of signals from society telling them that success and confidence is tied to their looks. Two cents.

      Victoria Maung avatar Victoria Maung | Dec 07, 2018 15:59:30
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      @vickenstein Thank you for the tips :-) We were together for almost 5 years and I still have issues in reading what's in her mind and a perspective from another woman helps a lot. I'm happy that you find time to read and share some substantial advice. Agree, body image seems like a petty issue. Who cares if you're fat or skinny...but perhaps the question is meant for something else. She doesn't really expecting me to lie but to help her gain more confidence in a moment where she feels so down and insecure. You are perhaps right...I can frankly reply yes and point to her other good qualities she has.

      Gene Lim avatar Gene Lim | Dec 08, 2018 02:18:15
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      @wernminlim thank you for reading my super-long response graciously! :) It might've been a bit lecture-y, but I hope it really does help! Your story is one that many others have also experienced, I'm sure!

      Victoria Maung avatar Victoria Maung | Dec 08, 2018 05:49:24
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    Early P.s. If you aren't looking for advice, you can Ignore ?

    ahhhh, one of the hardest questions a man can be asked. There is no right answer really. Have you ever asked (at a different time than when she asks you) how she views herself? Knowing what she thinks and maybe her goal, or where she wants to get to, can help you be supportive which what she is striving for.

    "Confrontation speedens up success or failure" is something I live by now. Get to the heart of the question. Best of luck.

    Ruben Ramirez avatar Ruben Ramirez | Dec 07, 2018 14:53:55
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      @RubesWorld Thank you for the advice. Agree that confrontation speeds up success or failure, however, not all confrontation applies to woman. I realize that we have to learn how to read between the lines. I am work in progress for this. Hopefully, I can master it as well so I can live longer. :)

      Gene Lim avatar Gene Lim | Dec 08, 2018 02:40:06
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