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Jan 22, 2019 13:59:12

33. Decide

by @zyumbik | 311 words | 168🔥 | 189💌

G̷͕̳͝l̴̨̟̏̃̆̚e̷̳͇͖͑̔b̴̞̱̦͕̼͇̔̽̀̽͒ ̸̈́̆͒̀̉ ̵̨̪̈́̒Sa̴͇͊b̵̨̅͆i̶̖͑̄r̶̩̘̊̒̕z̷̟̀͑y̴͚͉̎͘à̸̃͜ͅn̶̤̲̜͊͐ỏ̵͈͔̑v̴

Current day streak: 168🔥
Total posts: 189💌
Total words: 58898 (235 pages 📄)

After some investigations, I found that my productivity was very low because of the perfectionist in my mind. I always second-thought everything, I go deep into each and every little detail that is probably only noticed by me, I highly overcomplicate the thing I'm working on just because I want to make it perfect. But I thought, why am I trying to make everything perfect?

I came to a conclusion, that it's because I'm not good at making decisions. Since very young age the school system was telling me there are right and wrong answers to everything. Also it taught me that you better don't do anything unless you are told to. “Do what I say and I won't punish you.” This has affected my confidence in making decisions. 

I didn't learn to make decisions, but there are a lot of decisions to be made in the process of making or learning something! Should I do X or Y? I usually try to do both if it's possible. Is feature Z necessary? I'll add it just to be on the safe side. Can I say no to Z? NO WAY!

If you want to make something perfect — you don't know where you are going.

And if I don't know where I am going, I will probably not go very far! Therefore I need to decide very firmly, what I want to achieve in the end. Just set a goal! Without a clear goal, I cannot make clear decisions, so to avoid risk I will always be overcomplicating and overthinking everything. Not very exciting, is it?

Perfectionism now clearly became a collection of personal qualities: low confidence, indecisiveness, overthinking, bad prioritization. I worked so much on my hard skills, that I barely ever cared about mental stuff that goes on inside my head. And now it turns out that it matters?
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