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Mar 31, 2019 12:00:07

Why can't I do the right thing? by @elijahrobin

by @OnepostersGems PATRON | 384 words | 🐣 | 175💌

200WaD Research Lab: Oneposters

Current day streak: 0🐣
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Feb 25, 2019 20:23:45 @elijahrobin

"The lows and highs are something that I've had to deal with for a while"

When presented with a clear, concise choice, I almost always know what to do. So long as it comes to morals. In video games I make an effort to choose the most morally right options, and always try my best to be liked by everyone. In real life I feel the same way, so shouldn't my conscious be clear? Of course I've done bad things, I've wronged people, and I've been petty more than once. While I am not proud of those actions, I'm human like everyone else, and the only way to grow from them is to make amends and try your hardest not to repeat them. My arms are olive branches, my spine's a trunk, and hair falls down like leaves. I do try my best to grow, I really do.

My problem begins where I begin. I struggle to make the choices to take care of myself. My body has run for days without the help of water or food and I have grown accustom to the pains and weakness that comes with it. My sleep is restless, the circles under my eyes give it away. I'm doing this to myself, I know, but I can't help feeling so low.

The lows and highs are something that I've had to deal with for a while. Mood stabilizers helped with the lows and highs, but I hated how they made me feel. Anti-psychotics helped me with drinking water since I thought less about the mind-controlling fluoride in it, but they also made me depressed. Anti-depressants make me too manic and anti-anxieties never did enough.

I feel guilty, when I look in the mirror. I feel bad that my body pulled the short straw when God or whomever was handing out souls. It should have gotten someone right, someone who could look at their problems and self-discipline enough to take their meds, not their excuses. The guilt is almost crippling and yet taking care of myself is still too much for me to do.

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I wish you stayed @elijahrobin, sharing here, even just with oneself, brings change...

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