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Dec 25, 2018 23:50:47

The Ballerina. Part I: The Enchantment #3

by @timsubiaco PATRON | 221 words | 🐣 | 152💌

Tim Subiaco

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Total posts: 152💌
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I felt the Aurora filling up my eyes. I force them shut but they just bouncing around my head, red and blue. I stumble a little but Sofie catches my arm and steadies me, hooking the crook of my elbow with hers. We keep going down the street, me in a snake-like pattern and Sofie straight as an arrow with an uaffected gaze.

"Why do we fall in love with people that we hate?" Sofie asks me, not really expecting an answer but looking into my rolling eyes anyway.

"Oh Jesus, Sofie! Would I really be two inches from eating snow if I could help it? People fall in love to complete themselves- you know that fucking cliche. But what they don't realize is that they try to find people that fix them. But they don't even know how to fix themselves. Try swallowing laxatives when you have a headache!"

"You alright, Timmy?" She laughs. After four months sharing the same flat, she knows me pretty well by now.

"Ah fuck it," I look up towards her and give her a thumbs up, straining to lift my thumb in as dramatic way as I can to ensure she understands my inner turmoil. She smiles and gives me an equally strained thumbs up and we both spit out our cigarettes laughing. 

  • 1

    @timsubiaco I feel like the beginning of this is weaker than the beginning of the prologue because there is no trunk to yet invest myself into. I think it might be better to begin by focusing on one of the characters and taking a quick deep dive into them so that we can at least have one human that we feel connected to before you begin the story.

    One thing I think could also work is instead of diving deep into a human right away, dive into this desolate Norwegian town first. That would also be very interesting.

    Abe avatar Abe | Dec 26, 2018 17:27:35
    • 1

      @abrahamkim Thanks for the feedback Abraham :) That's a very good point. I'm going to try this angle for a bit and see where it takes me. I agree with you, though, the prologue sets the scene much better and gives the reader something to hold onto. I'm trying to do the same this time but with dialogue and some plot instead. Let's see how it goes. Still a work in progress.

      Tim Subiaco avatar Tim Subiaco | Dec 27, 2018 20:01:58
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