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May 29, 2019 02:07:45

Summertime Sadness

by @abrahamKim PATRON | 324 words | 🐣 | 424💌


Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 424💌
Total words: 158525 (634 pages 📄)

We were in Lee's red jeep running around Chicago when he took out a CD. Born To Die by Lana Del Rey. 

I remember first hearing this all over campus when I first met my gf. Her sister had it in her car, and back then we had a chance to be close. Then I became older, began deciding who was good for me and who wasn't. I began implement filters. I identified to the rappers who talk about closing their social circles tighter -- not everyone can go.

I began to turn on everyone and everything that served as a reminder of what I was... what I so wished was what I used to be. I wanted so fast to be able to just jump ahead a couple years and be able to look back at all of this. I promised myself and to everybody in a whisper that only I could hear, that once I became 100 percent happy with myself then I'd return and then and only then could I be Abe again. Then I could embrace everything that I'd turned against with open, non-judging hands. 

I thought the road ahead would be quick. I thought it would even be fun. This was when I looked at how 50 cent did it and how Gucci did it. I asked myself was I ready for it, and I naively said I was. If I knew how hard it would've been I wouldn't have done it. If I knew how long it'd take, I would've just turned around. 

I turned into a monster. And forgot about an old Abe. An old world. Sometimes a portal opens up. And I'm able to go back to a time and a me that I thought had disappeared. And yet it's there. I recognize it so much not just in that portal, but within a reflection the portal provides. The reflection of reality.

I'm still coming back. I haven't forgotten.

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