People might think it is fun to write. Well it is relieving but far from fun. It is a necessary exercise to feel free. I don't think I have figured out how mulling over words make me feel.
All I know is, on some days typing these words feel like being cut open and blood gushing out without any help in sight. Once you stop bleeding if feels like you have been exorcised. Then, I start feeling a human again.
Why do I even find the need to get on here and pour out all these thoughts in the form of words?
There must be something. I am so much of an inconsistent person to keep going at this. At least, now I do know I don't need a confidante or whatever it is, to let these emotions flow freely. I don't feel like I am alone. My mind is good company. My thoughts are present. My words are beginning to string coherently now.
I do not know what will eventually become of this but I don't want to stop. It is causing a positive change in me. I feel whole once I bleed. Maybe bleeding is not a bad thing after all and so is writing. Sometimes you only need to bleed for yourself. Sometimes, you only need to write for yourself.