A friendship is a scar of someone’s life. In every deep friendship, there was at least one person who had once been in equally deep pain.
Why do we love the almost-calamitous, yet victorious in-the-end stories? Why does it feel as though sharing at least one of these epics with another human before we die might just be a prerequisite to exiting this life happy? Why do we awe at precipices and grow bored of sitting in sanatized rooms?
The kind of friendships that impact your day, or your weekend, or a week out of the year, are conveniences. They might as well be sold straight off the shelves at Kroger or found through some Silicon Valley App. But such a product would sour moral palates. Most would rather book a prostitute and a hotel room before buying a convenience friend.
So the economy has tried offering us, the customers, what we really want, which are truly deep friendships. They’ve done this through interfaces of non-threatening interactions that we can share. So now millions around the western word watch entertainment together or get together to discuss topics/other-people or watch their dogs play together. Most these folks don’t actually care about the entertainment/topic or whatever the hell else they decided as their new ‘hobby’. What they do care about is having real relationships, and they think that’s what they are receiving through these interactions, but they’re being swindled. Swindled like so many Wantrepreneuer who’ve purchased Tai Lopez’s 67 steps, because what these interactions build are not friendships, but convenience-friendships.
Who is swindling these good folks? Is it the economy offering them endless lists of convenient interactions? No! It’s self-swindling, long-term suicide of one’s self image. The problem that arises here is not the offerings. It’s not that people are watching screens, or getting together to walk dogs. Those are all perfectly fine activities. The problem is that so many invest in such activities thinking they’re building deep friendships, when in fact they are simply sustaining convenience-friendships. The problem with Tai Lopez and similar icons are not their content, but rather the thinking that existential desires can be purchased. You can’t just watch Gary Vee and Tai Lopez all day and think that you’re going to build an actual business without doing any actual business-building. You can’t just watch movies and listen to music and drink craft beers with peole thinking it’s going to build a real relationship, without doing actual relationship-building.
And there’s nothing wrong with convenience friendships. They’re a great way to pass many lunch breaks, or a chunk of a weekend. But to live a fulfilling life you need at least one real deep friendship.
The kind of friendship that impacts a unit of time on your calendar — a day, a month, even decades of it! — can be found through common practice of just doing activities. The kind of friendship that changes your ‘life’ can’t be found. It can’t be found in a sanatized room free of pain. It cant be found at all in fact. It has to be built. No not by someone from Silicon Valley or New York, but you.
The kind of friendship that you want, is the kind that impacts your life, not units of time. If I were to tell you that such can be forged only at the expense of one’s pain, would you still desire it?
If you realized that friendships are scars, would you be okay getting cut? Or would you rather get a tattoo?