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Feb 06, 2019 16:00:25

Part 18

by @danielmiller PATRON | 210 words | 1🔥 | 309💌

Daniel Miller

Current day streak: 1🔥
Total posts: 309💌
Total words: 85219 (340 pages 📄)

Once he figured out what it was and that it was based on distance, he had a little fun with it. He would sit next to attractive women. It was voyeurism to the extreme. Sometimes it was innocent. Sometimes they were really dealing with something intense. Sometimes they immediately became unattractive for the sake of their vapidness.

Occasionally he could use his newfound power to his advantage. If only he was a salesman, it would have been gold. As it was, he won a couple arguments at the bar.

Mostly it just confirmed for him what he already knew: that people were complex, and stupid, and egocentric, and desperate for love, and troubled, and innocent, and anxious about things they shouldn't be worried about, and thoughtless about the things they should be focused on.

Then the thoughts turned into others' thoughts and their accompanying feelings. That's when it started to become a real burden. He often had to move around. Train rides were sometimes intolerable. There was once a meal at his favorite restaurant involving a nearby couple trying to save their marriage with a tortured date night. He had to leave his food and some cash on the table and leave.

Then the effective distance started to grow.

From Daniel Miller's collection:

  • 1

    @danielmiller Having seen your previous comment I wanted to catch up on Joseph's Poets and read straight through from episode 10 to here. I think you're on to something. Something readable. Though I can't say what it is exactly.

    It's clear enough what's going on, but it's not tightly wound together. I'm not referring to any in-story devices around omitting the context in different chapters, but about certain breaks in consistency. It's hard to explain exactly, but reading it feels a bit like trying to keep a raw egg together once it's out of the shell.

    Of course, if this is early on in the story there is still time either for the flow to gel or for the reader to get accustomed the rhythm you're using.

    The writing is raw, which I like, although I think some areas would benefit from a bit of extra polish in the vocabulary and use of literary tropes. Granted, this might make more sense to focus on when rewriting.

    All in all, I gotta say I'm interested enough to keep reading and curious to get to the heart of the story.

    Gabriel Greco avatar Gabriel Greco | Feb 07, 2019 00:11:53
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