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Jul 26, 2019 15:07:58

My Draft (I cannot be bothered)

by @lucjah PATRON | 203 words | 42🔥 | 319💌

Lucjah

Current day streak: 42🔥
Total posts: 319💌
Total words: 89279 (357 pages 📄)


OMG... I cannot be bothered

And... I actually am devastated by that... 

Where are all these wonderful amazing discoveries which come out of "showing up everyday"???

How many more days of NOTHING have to pass, how many more shitty post-non-posts I have to write to get out of these... limbo?

Is my anecdote about my zen practice becoming a horrifying truth?

I was laughing, yea, then I was laughing, that the only other part of my life where I actually was "showing up" (at least for a few years) was my zen practice. Yet, this path was not all rainbows and unicorns, it was not even gentle hardship... It was a drag... endless, limitless, mundane, unbelievable drug... And I compared it with 200WaD "showing up" ethos. I mean, what was I thinking? Naively being certain that IT'S NOT POSSIBLE to repeat the same pattern...

But it is!

For how many months (4/5 now?) I feel uninspired... How many ideas I perceive as lame... How overwhelmingly I cannot be bothered!

I think I still am waiting... but the faith weathered, the enthusiasm is reaching levels close to zero... 

I write but I HAVE NOT KNOWN WHY FOR A LONG TIME...

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    @basilesamel Nope, the hashtag I put when publishing the text first time disappear when I reedit and hit Publish again. It wasn't like that before, they stayed the way they were put the first time around...

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Jul 28, 2019 18:30:26
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      @lucjah can you tell me which hashtag did you use so that I can try to reproduce your issue?

      Basile Samel avatar Basile Samel | Jul 29, 2019 04:18:24
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    @lucjah yup, couldn't be bothered as the sun and warm weather settled in he said. And so, adieu...

    Jeff Riddall avatar Jeff Riddall | Jul 26, 2019 10:14:39
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      @lucjah @Rawhead Well look who has poked his head back in......

      Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Jul 26, 2019 07:36:08
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      @lucjah @brandonwilson yeah, just pokin' around. not sure when i'll return in earnest, but ya just never know.

      Jeff Riddall avatar Jeff Riddall | Jul 26, 2019 12:04:27
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    @lucjah I know this pain. I feel it nearby, always. How can we help?

    Some thoughts that came up as I read your post...not sure if these thoughts and questions will help, but just wanted to share it and hope it does somehow: This "can't be bothered" feeling does sound like a problem to you, at least from the way you described it. Have you tried approaching this like how you would solve a problem at work? Perhaps showing up everyday is not enough, if the showing up doesn't include taking stabs at solving this problem...? What have you tried so far? Writing techniques (you did this a lot I believe), getting inspiration, being outside, being with people, consuming the right media, reading, etc etc...?

    I remember hearing from my meditation teacher once, to a question from a student asking how to feel less bored with sitting meditation and other formal practices. He replied, saying that we have to be creative to solve it, don't just sit through with it day in day out. It's our path and we got to bring our creative resources to bear to solve this very personal problem...

    Jason Leow avatar Jason Leow | Jul 26, 2019 21:40:32
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