Weekends are often a struggle for me.
At least being at work, you know what you are there to do. The work arrives, you do it and then go home. Easy.
Having a whole weekend stretch in front of you without much of a plan feels quite scary to me. Of course, there are the things that need to be done, like food shopping, clothes washing, tidying and all that "house" stuff that I have been putting off forever. But I always feel a bit lost and listless, like I have no purpose other than to unload and reload the dishwasher, drink coffee and keep an eye on the football (soccer) scores until it is time to make dinner.
My wife is studying at the moment and our house is not big enough to have a separate room for her, so she sits in the corner of our lounge. I try to keep it quiet for her and there are some parts of her study that are confidential, so I am often trying to stay away from the room too.
The kids are older now, so they don't need much looking after. They are either in their rooms, at work or out with friends. The days of me having to entertain them are long gone.
So the question I need to work on is "who am I at the weekend"? When I am not working, when I am not providing for my family - what should I be doing in my down-time?
It does link back to my previous post on being a multi-potentialite - I am creative, have lots of skills in that area, but often feel unfulfilled by any of them, or get bored quickly. I also feel guilt for taking time to myself to do my own thing. My role in the family is of the "provider" - and not just money wise either. I do all the cooking, cleaning, tidying and stuff like that. I am never too far away from needing to make a meal, drive someone somewhere (no-one else can drive at the moment apart from me) or help someone with something.
There are so many things to be done at home that I always put off. When I got up this morning, I knew my son's girlfriend was coming over, so I knew I needed to get food in, clean the bathroom, tidy, do some washing to reduce the pile of clothes at the top of the stairs. I didn't even get time to sit in the quiet and write my 200wad post. It is now 11:45 and is the only time I have had free this morning (and everyone else is busy out of the room).
To make things worse, it is a bank-holiday weekend here in the UK, so I get an extra day away from work to feel lost and unsure of what to do.
I wonder who I really am sometimes. Who was I before and where did that person go?