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Jul 12, 2019 11:20:13

How real can I be?

by @twizzle PATRON | 318 words | 227🔥 | 235💌


Current day streak: 227🔥
Total posts: 235💌
Total words: 82596 (330 pages 📄)

I chickened out today.
I wrote something quite personal about an event that happened over 10 years ago but then deleted it.
I can't reveal what it was but it has the potential to cause havoc in my family, mainly for me.
I know none of you who are reading this know me, but there is always the risk that someone gets on my laptop, stumbles across 200wad and logs in, reading my posts.  I worry about that all the time.
Nothing is truly anonymous.  Even Baz (maybe) has access to my email address so could track me down that way.  We all leave little trails online that are hard to avoid.
I am finding the balance of writing about myself and my feelings, versus wanting to write "proper" articles about things that could help people.  I want to be able to write personal posts but I still want to retain my privacy too.
And then I also think "if I had posted what I had written, what would have the outcome been?  Would people here have looked at me differently, or supported or attacked me?  Why am I sharing this in the first place - to what end?"
Am I looking for some sympathy or approval?  There are always many sides to stories like this and not many winners.
I try to see it as part of processing my thoughts.  10 years is a long time to stew over what happened and at the time I was in a deep depressive state, so didn't really know what I was doing or who I was hurting.  Writing it out in black and white helps me focus my thoughts.  Committing to writing it down helps make it real.
But then it is out there forever, there is no escaping it.  It might come back to bite me one day.

  • ❤️ 2
  • 1

    @twizzle I regularly write private posts now to get this kind of stuff out of my head while still keeping it away from anybody else. It really helps.

    Julia Saxena avatar Julia Saxena | Jul 12, 2019 08:43:08
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      @twizzle @juliasaxena - just know that private posts are probably not entirely private. I wouldn't write anything too revealing.

      Years ago I asked my son if he knew what "secret" meant. He replied, something you don't even tell mommy. Hahaha.. exactly!

      Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Jul 12, 2019 06:35:51
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