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Feb 14, 2019 23:22:14

Fever to the Form #8

by @timsubiaco PATRON | 221 words | 🐣 | 152💌

Tim Subiaco

Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 152💌
Total words: 57829 (231 pages 📄)

She woke to an empty room, a swollen leg and a pulsating red scar. She was wheelchair bound for three months and had to care for herself in this strange land. The way she recollected it was so matter of fact, I had to focus intensely on the words she was saying to comprehend what had actually happened. 

 There is something much more tragic about a ballerina in a wheelchair than a normal person. Fuck, I mean as programmers we sit on chairs with tiny wheels all day, aren't those essentially wheelchairs? I have a friend at work whose chubby body has almost become one with his chair - he propels himself around the smooth linoleum floor with soft duck-like paddling with his toes. But I digress. 

If you remember what Ostrava is like, just imagine a Cassie pushing herself over the tram tracks in the shadow of the blackened buildings. And this was what, she fought for? This was what ballet dancers spend years training and starving themselves for? 

As she nursed herself back to normality, her dance troupe pushed on, harder than ever in that theatre. All she could do was wait on the outside, figure out how to walk and make sure she had enough money to last until she could dance again. 

From Tim Subiaco's collection:

  • 1

    @timsubiaco

    Wow this was really good!! I want this Tim back, reminds me of the punch you used to pack in each piece when you were writing about the university on the island.

    I think when your storytelling excels is when you try to paint someone in an empathetic light. What I mean by this is, this ballerina is going through her struggles, yet you let us the reader understand why she might be making these other wise bad and irrational decisions. We feel for her, and then thus for the main character Tim as well.

    What I feel like has been a drought in the past couple weeks has been you hadn't had any characters you did this empathetic shining for. If anything you've been just deriding the other cahraacters and that made for an unengaging story.

    But this and also the stories from back on the island university days, that's where I think you've excelled due to high empathy rather than clouded pessimism.

    Abe avatar Abe | Feb 15, 2019 17:31:22
    • 1

      @abrahamKim Thank you :))

      I wanted to show a different side to the narrator in Oslo but I think that being a purely sarcastic asshole gets old pretty quick. I will most probably rework that part of the story because, as you said, it's not very engaging.

      I feel I've hit some good form over the last couple of pieces. Gonna try and keep it up.

      Thanks again.

      Tim Subiaco avatar Tim Subiaco | Feb 16, 2019 23:19:34
  • 1

    @timsubiaco (@philh hihihi)
    <<as programmers we sit on chairs with tiny wheels all day, aren't those essentially wheelchairs? I have a friend at work whose chubby body has almost become one with his chair - he propels himself around the smooth linoleum floor with soft duck-like paddling with his toes>>
    Love that!!!
    Amazing writing!!

    Lucjah avatar Lucjah | Feb 15, 2019 13:47:11
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