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Apr 16, 2019 01:32:39

Compliments just aren't for me

by @abrahamKim PATRON | 333 words | 🐣 | 337💌

Sir Abe

Current day streak: 0🐣
Total posts: 337💌
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Responding to one of Keni's comments on here.

She and Seun are adept at complimenting you. It really puts a smile on your face. And just like some people just can't handle how good alcohol feels, I can't handle compliments. Not saying that I'm against compliments from these two in particular, I'm just using them as an example because... well when you talk about alcoholics you usually don't think of beer or wine, but that strong, hard liquor.

I'm your typical ENFP. And my god, do compliments make me feel good. But I've had a huge chip on my shoulder since I got out of college. I've hated that I was such a sucker for feeling good. So I've been superimposing now for years the drive to get more out of life than feeling good. 

I know a lot of self conscious people, and those are the people I think who need the compliments. Some of my nervous, introverted -- yet still social -- friends can't do or perform at their best unless people palpably let them know that they're appreciated. 

But with me, compliments just make me feel like everything's alright, driving me to complacency and I end up not doing anything. 

I'm not too good for compliments, I'm too weak to handle them.


Btw, love that I'm no longer using @keni or @seun. Just like using their names. This was inspired by seeing Keni use Mine and Gabriel's name without the @sign haha #teamCommunity !!


****

Footnotes/Reference:

@keni @seunoyebode

Thank you both for the compliments. But compliments are bad for my character so this will be the last time I respond to compliments. I don't want you to think that I dislike them, it's just that I know they are bad for me! So long complimenter Keni and Seun!!!

Abe Cent avatar Abe Cent | Apr 12, 2019 14:14:07

@seunoyebode @abrahamKim - Mr Abe - Compliments are bad for my character???

This needs a post to explain what you mean. If you don't, I will shower you with non-stop compliments!

  • 1

    @abrahamKim - sounds like you're not quite out the other side yet. Keep going Abe!

    Brian Ball avatar Brian Ball | Apr 16, 2019 07:05:30
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      @brianball

      What does the other side entail? Have you written about this in a post?

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 19, 2019 03:42:23
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    @abrahamKim - thank you for the post. Do you resist compliments from anyone even family?

    It just could be you need more practice with it. Yeah that's it.

    You need more practice.

    I will help.

    You are very welcome.

    Keni avatar Keni | Apr 16, 2019 00:05:05
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      @abrahamKim @keni I read "I will help" and i couldn't stop laughing.

      I'd be around to help also

      LOL

      Seun Oyebode avatar Seun Oyebode | Apr 16, 2019 12:00:22
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      @keni @seunoyebode

      Now that you bring up family, actually it's very characteristic of Asian people to act humble and shy away from compliments and the limelight. So it has a lot to do with how I saw the way people acted while growing up.

      But it's just that everytime I've entered a stage of my life that attacted a lot of compliments I went stagnant. It was only once the staganation caused me to fall to an unadmirable person that I had somethign to prove and raised myself up again.

      There's a reason why I identify with rappers. And it's not because of my cultural background but my emotional one. I like being counted out. I don't like being praised -- i mean i do in the short run but not in the long run. So that's what it is.

      You really think it's just practice?

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 16, 2019 15:07:05
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      @abrahamKim - Culturally, Ethiopians are also the same. Being humble is admired and respected more. That is why the first thing most new Ethiopian immigrants are told is that we need to learn to speak up and brag in order to be respected in the US - particularly in areas of Personal Appraisals at work.

      But my point is that once you go on to do great things, you will be bombarded with compliments. You can't shy away from them. You have to be "anti-fragile" to compliments. Otherwise, you may start to avoid doing great things to avoid compliments.

      I agree about wanting to be counted out btw. I have always been counted in so anything I did was always expected of me. It can get exhausting to have people always have high expectations of you.

      Keni avatar Keni | Apr 16, 2019 09:19:43
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      @keni

      You have alway been counted in to the normal social things such as school and what not right? But I feel like deep down you know you've been counted out in more invisible manners that others might not fixate on and be aware of.

      I feel like in a way you might have the ultimate chip on your shoulder of being counted out -- not by people assuming you'd faill in school/career/learning/family but in your actual literal existence. Like life counted you out when it dealt you T1D. And that feeling of conquering the count-out has stuck with you.

      That last paragraph is all just my painting of Keni the character in my head so I don't mean for it to be a reflection of the true keni you the breathing soul on the other end haha.

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 16, 2019 15:29:07
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      @keni

      Just realized i forgot to address this:

      "But my point is that once you go on to do great things, you will be bombarded with compliments. You can't shy away from them. You have to be "anti-fragile" to compliments."

      One day will you write a post on this?

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 16, 2019 15:35:07
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      @abrahamKim :)
      This feels like a session with a psychologist. I do have that ultimate chip. And it drives me. I would like to believe it pushes me to focus on the important things too. That may be why I am a fan of rap music too.

      About the last point - watch "devil's advocate" if you haven't already. There is a part where Keanu Reaves is once again pulled in by vanity towards the end. That scene stuck with me. We are all suckers to compliments and many "sales" professionals use that to get us to get our guards down for a sale.
      Hmmm - Maybe this should be a post..:)

      Keni avatar Keni | Apr 16, 2019 09:45:34
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      @abrahamKim @keni "Vanity.....my favorite sin!"

      Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Apr 16, 2019 06:57:50
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      @keni

      Haha okay i shall watch that in two weeks when I'm dog sitting again. I have never seen it.

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 19, 2019 03:43:15
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    @abrahamKim I am the exact opposite of you--ISTJ. I have the view that it's good to compliment other people but to receive compliments humbly without caring about them one way or the other. I understand your point about complacency. It reminds me of a quote I heard recently: "The worst thing about success is a little bit of it."

    Brandon Wilson avatar Brandon Wilson | Apr 15, 2019 20:35:37
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      @brandonwilson

      Haha it's great that we got so miuch diversity in here. We are each other's shadows.

      But on the compliments thing i agree with what you wrote 100%. That's why compliments aren't for me. But I still love giving them to ppl. I just know I can handle them on my own when I pay it too much mind. If i do what you said which is humbly receiving them, then it's fine. My problem is that I'll spend like a lot of time reminiscing on how good a compliment feels. This all ties to the fact that I'm a social person. And receiving compliments is a very social thing itself. A remedy is to do as you said which is to focus on how i can compliment others, since that is also a social act but not detrimental to my long term goals.

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 16, 2019 15:02:46
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