Today, @danielmiller I was planing to mention Carl Jung and (milk!) his "recipe" for conflict resolution, but, as I let myself dive into his wonderful concept, I simply cannot not share it here cut up extracts of:
Jungian Conflict Resolution and the Value of Conflict:
Any conflict situation constellates the problem of opposites (ego-consciousness and the unconscious). This is true whether the conflict is recognised as an internal one or not, since conflicts with others are almost always externalisations of unconscious ones (when not made conscious, they are acted out on others through projection).
There is no way to haul this out by force. If we try, it will refuse to come.
(Perhaps the most painful conflicts are those involving a choice between security and freedom. Such conflicts generate a great deal of inner tension. As long as they are not conscious, the tension manifests as physical symptoms, particularly in the stomach, the back and the neck. Conscious are experienced as moral or ethical tension.)
Jung believed that the potential resolution of a conflict is activated by holding the tension between the opposites(**). Then something quite unexpected emerges, an irrational “third” that effectively resolves the situation.
This irrational “third” is what Jung called the transcendent function.
In his own words:
[A conflict] requires a real solution and necessitates a third thing in which the opposites can unite. Here the logic of the intellect usually fails, for in a logical antithesis there is no third. The “solvent” can only be of an irrational nature. In nature the resolution of opposites is always an energic process: she acts symbolically in the truest sense of the word, doing something that expresses both sides, just as a waterfall visibly mediates between above and below. – Carl Jung, “The Conjunction,” Mysterium Coniunctionis, CW 14, par. 705
A real solution comes only from within, and then only because a person has been brought to a different attitude.
(*) and here we go, the cognitive dissonance at it's noblest!
(**) Foretaste (or actually this is "it"): "We all have our own inbuilt mechanism for dealing with Cognitive Dissonance... its called the breath. Cognitions will only ever be... cognitions."