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Apr 26, 2019 04:52:22

Because when you deeply care about someone, it's impossible to worry about what they think of you.

by @abrahamKim | 466 words | 3🔥 | 256💌

Sir Abe

Current day streak: 3🔥
Total posts: 256💌
Total words: 92608 (370 pages 📄)

Apparently the slump of the day begins around noon and lasts until around five. It's caused by some mixture of hormones, the sun, and societal timetables and makes us less vigilant and vivacious. So don't schedule a surgery in the afternoon. Get it done early in the morning. Don't close a sale at 1 PM. Do it in the evening over dinner instead.

It's a no brainer for capitalists to use this for their gains, but while I was Reading When by Pink, I began scheming how I might use it for social gains. 

For several days I tried putting theory into practice. And quickly and clearly, I  decided that it wasn't worth it. I'll explain my initial plans before I go onto why I decided against such strategy, which was:

If corporate executives leverage the more positively affected parts of the day so that they and their performance is perceived more favorably, why shouldn't I meet with my friends and loved ones during those same periods so that I will be associated with good vibes. 

A psychological study found people to rate their attraction to their dates higher when they had drank coffee on the date. Researchers hypothesized that people were misattributing the buzz of the caffeine to the person across the table. 

Anyways, I figured why not benefit off some social misattribution myself by appearing in front of people only during peak hours. But, here was my catch-22: I want the people in my life to like me. Yet these are the people I care the most about... so much so that, I care more about them than I do of their perception of me. 

I couldn't justify purposefully gaining from misattribution with these people not because I found it wrong or dishonest, but because the way I cared about them is not one in which I'm occupied with self perception. In fact, I do the latter more with my less intimate relationships.

With those closest to me, I'd rather they use their peak times for their own work and whatever else they want to do in life. I want them to spend their peaks wisely, and not with me so that they like me more.

I like better to show up during the days' slumps so that I might cheer them up even if this means my presence might be associated with sluggishness. 

Care seems to be mutually exclusive. When I care superficially for someone, I'm more concerned about my own appearance from their perspective. Yet as my bond grows with them and I care more for them, it grows increasingly impossible to spend energy caring of whether they care back for me.

Hilariously, this gets people to care more for me. Care is given and shared.


The score takes care of itself 

-Bill Walsh

From Sir Abe's collection:

  • 1

    @abrahamKim Thanks for linking this to my in my entry "Participation".

    This is a great post and I definitely agree with the sentiment. I agree wholeheartedly with the title and it's come at a good time for me.

    Thanks again!

    Craig Petterson avatar Craig Petterson | Apr 28, 2019 23:21:56
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    @abrahamKim - This is interesting. I understand what you mean by not wanting to be manipulative to get the love from the ones you care about - but let me ask - what if it is someone you just started to date. Would you play those push and pull games that supposedly help increase the odds of winning the person over?

    Keni avatar Keni | Apr 26, 2019 19:33:56
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      @keni

      of course. Cause in the beginning it's not my love of them. It's just my infatuation with my imaginations of who they are. It's only with time and experiences that you learn who they are and can actually then love them.

      Until then, it's just a projection.

      Also of course because I recommend against dating. I don't think people should be looking for it. My opinion is that they should only actually be helplessly pulled into it. i'm a romantic in that way. Most people would disagree and say that love is a lot of work. And I'd say, yes it is... but infatuation is not. So actually I find it silly to go looking for dates. If someone doesn't just appear from thin air and cause you to feel like you're free-falling in space, then maybe you should just be friends with them, or just not talk to them at all.

      but i do agree. once past infatuation, love is a lot of work.

      But the beginning infatuation is not. I think many people mix up the two and think that maybe they need to try harder in what they perceive is love but is actually infatuation.

      TLDR.

      ppl want to network all the time but not actually put in hours to level up. Without the skills/merit, no amount of network will get you anyplace significantly/qualitiatively different than current position.

      Happy friday btw!

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 27, 2019 01:45:43
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      @abrahamKim - :) Another comment that should have been a post. I can image the back and forth on this one.

      I don't know about helplessly pulled into it. It would be nice it that were true but after school - it is directly correlated to knowing what you want and how much exposure you get to what you are looking for. A whole lot of luck is also a requirement in my humble opinion. But I like your perspective better.

      Happy Saturday!

      Keni avatar Keni | Apr 27, 2019 22:14:11
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      @keni

      I want to know your opinions on the requirement of luck!!

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 28, 2019 17:02:34
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      @abrahamKim - Well - luck would be things like the following:

      - You and the partner are both in the same hemisphere
      - You and the partner are at similar places in things like school and career
      - You and the partner are available and looking to be involved
      - You and the partner accidentally run into each other often enough for you to get to know each other.

      These are just some of the few requirements

      Keni avatar Keni | Apr 29, 2019 09:11:59
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      @keni

      will this community ever get to read some personal stories of Keni that involve some of the listed scenarios?

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 29, 2019 22:13:48
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      @abrahamKim - maybe. I am shy about those things. If I do write about that, it will likely be in the form of fiction. Fiction gives you the freedom to write about topics you can't or won't discuss openly for any reason. May the gods bless fiction.

      Keni avatar Keni | Apr 30, 2019 00:02:55
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      @keni

      haha see I want that kind of deep stuff from Keni!

      Sir Abe avatar Sir Abe | Apr 30, 2019 13:56:20
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