Last Saturday, I came home for my mother's birthday party to play a loved daughter.
The next day, I woke up late and heard my mother was talking to his husband, daughter, and son in the living room.
(There was no place for me, so I didn't get up but listened in bed.)
The 46-year-old mother kept speaking what a great wife and mother she is compared to her "miserable" friends.
Of course, my father and brother, both spoiled by their mother and obedient to their wife/gf, agreed in 100%.
My sister said nothing until she came back to sit beside me.
I knew she was dead inside again. Her future was arranged in my mother's plan, being a teacher charge by the hour, marrying a rich guy with house and car, living the next door to my parents ...
There is no entrance to be who she wants.
My sister and I look like twins but act oppositely: I left but she didn't.
I wrote before that I am an observer since I'm little. The first lesson I learned is that there is no selfless love, the attention from others has to be paid with your independence.
Want your dad and mom hug you? Be a good girl and don't ask for a toy.
Want to be supported and blame-free? Let them do every choice.
Want to be loved? Love them more.
That's why D and M-word disappeared in my mouth since I'm around 6.
Are there better choices, like sitting down and talking to them? No way, they lost one and still own the rest of three children, their system still works.
Since then, I have been an invisible family member.
The past 19 years are such a long path of balancing the relationship between pleasing others and pleasing myself, as well as accepting the truth that there is no alternative for parents' love.